Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
