i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
