you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
