Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
