the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
