I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
