he shaved USA in his pubs
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
