weddingsv make me drug and hornr
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
