Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
