At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
