i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
