well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I just sharted jello shots
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