party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
