if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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