so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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