Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize