we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
