I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
