How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
