Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Pants are for mortals
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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