Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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