you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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