i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
