I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
FUCK WHALES
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
