At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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