Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
