dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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