they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
