You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
