Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize