Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Sober January is a disaster.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
