i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
