Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
