Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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