i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
