I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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