I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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