explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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