He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
