like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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