I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
