Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
