I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize