I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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