My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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