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Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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