I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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