I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
