All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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