I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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