I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
