you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
