I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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