All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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