If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
