all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You were trust falling into bushes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
