I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Someone signed my nipple.
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