what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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