Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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