i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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