I puked a lego.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
