Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
