Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you had me at cake vodka
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
