So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
