the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
