I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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