I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
ttyl tear gas
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
