I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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