I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
