we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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